


Davekat on crack

by coldest_of_cuts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Apocalypse, Bottom Barack Obama, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Cars, Cocaine, Crack, Davekat Week, Diapercember, Diapers, Disowned Draco Malfoy, Drugs, Fortnite References, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Male Character, Good Guy Boris (Bendy and the Ink Machine), Gun Kink, Gun Violence, Homestuck Kink Meme, Klance Week, M/M, Moirails With Pails, Mpreg, Tentabulges (Homestuck), The Homestuck Epilogues, Trolls (Homestuck), Walmart, crackfic, poggers, pumped up kicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldest_of_cuts/pseuds/coldest_of_cuts
Summary: davekat traverses through the multiverse. #sickbeatswritten with @diosleftthigh and @Lilyispureanger
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 4





	Davekat on crack

**Author's Note:**

> we created this fic writing one page each without knowing what the other had written, poggers.

one day karkalicious was pondering the space time continuum. he decided to text his homie obama, who’s last name he didn’t yet know. 

“HEYMAN, IS IT GAY IT KISS THE FELLAS GOODNIGHT?” karkat asked

“why no it’s not.” obama said. 

“OKAY.” karkat ended his text with obama. karkat threw his phone in his pod thingy idfk what it’s called man gimme a break. karkat then walked out of his room and wandered down the halls of the asteroid in search for his homie that he had a crush on. he didn’t have his socks on. 

after walking for a few minutes he found himself infront of dave striders door. shitty music was blasting and he cringed at it. 

“DAVE SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MUSIC UP. IT’S GIVING MY EARS TUBERCULOSIS.” karkat yelled while opening the door to dave in his bed vibing while playing fortnite. karkat gasped 

“DAVE WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYINF FORTNITE. ITS THE WORST GAME IN THE WORLD I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.” dave turned and looked at karkat, flabbergasted that he was caught in the act. 

“k-karkat! it’s not what it looks like i swear!!!” dave said, clearly alarmed. 

“YEA IM SURE IT ISNT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.” karkat said angrily. 

“karkat please don’t leave me.” dave said sadly: 

“NO”

“karkat please! i will do anything!!!” dave said.

“anything you say????”

  
\------------

then alk of a suden dabve and karkanles arrived to walm mart AFTER getting into 1 7car accodeints and getting 47 traddffic tickets. “davmve hyman buy me pla ystashin five.” he said karkatilly. “no u obese fuckign lima bean. buy ur own shit insert kool kid look here.” dave sed. “STOPP FDAVE HUMAN U SACK OF HORSERADISH U R MY unlawfully ewedded WIFE U FUCKASS YOU MUST BUY ME PS5 NOOOOWWW!!!” karKAT YELLED. “Y’NKNOW WHAT CAR CAT I DONT WANNA HEAR UR NULLSHIT EXCUSES ANYMORE.” dave sTARTED AND HE PULLED OUT A FUCKING GLOCK. “PUT ON THE MAID COSTUME. NOW.” DAVE THreatened theh rtroll. “NO U STUPID IDIOT FART DUMB NOOK LICKING IDIOT GAY HORSE MORON PANTS BITCH LASAGNA HAVIN FUCKASS BULGEMUNCHER GO COCK VORE YOU’RE MOM.” KARKAT YELLED. DAVE LOADED THE FUCKIGN gloOCK. “DO IT NOT KAR KITTY.” HE PURRED LIEK NEPETEA. AKRAKAT WAS FUEGETING VIETNMWN FLASHABACKS TO THAT CAT FURRY BITCH. “GRRRRRRR.” KARAKT doagrownedled feriocusly and visiciously like a rabid raccoon with rabise.s. he frabbbed the maid costume from cdaveklat’s havnds and underssed entirely in the dtotre getting baneked and eebveyrnene acnns ee his tentabulge. “ARE U HAPPY NOW DAVE STRUDEL YOU HORNY SACK OF BUSH’S BAKED BEANS???//????”/” KARKAT ASEDSEKD ANGIYOLY AND  [ SHARTED AFGRRESSSIVELY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBmb5_TTT-w) . dav e however did not otu ht egun down. “CAT EARS TOO.” he said the n karkat gave birth to gamze ehogme stuck. ‘“what.” dave said and out the gun down adn then he s tarted violently makign out with david elizabeth strider. “waaa goo goo gaa gaa burp mm mm m drugs.” gamzee babey said and shnorked troll coke an on the floor of walm. “hey karkat i lvoe you so mch wanna hear somethign poggers??/??” dafve assed hsi husadn. “what do u want u shitty hydrogen molecule?/?” karkitty-chan asked poletely aiwth big anime girl aweyes. “pail.” said adve. then kartkack died but then he was resurrected for plot conveneicece and then they went hmoe with a brand new stolen play stasvchiin fimve.

  
  
\--------------  
  
  


Finally DAVE pulled me into a hug as I sobbed into his arms. The emotion was all to much for me. 

“DAVE IM SORRY I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SOONER I JUST-” I was cut off by daves soft lips crashing into mine. I just couldn’t hold back anymore, it was all too much for me to handle. I kissed back quickly as I held onto the back of his neck for what seemed to be dear life. As dave pulled away leaving me colder than before he spoke softly.

“Kartkat I’ve loved you since I saw you in halls of school and I just didn’t know how to approach you, and when we became friends it was hard to express my feelings for you because I don’t do feelings really. I care for you like i’ve never cared for anyone before and it hurts so bad. Please don’t ever try and do that again” He says as he turns around to face my train ticket.

I felt water prick my eyes so hard they burned. The tears warmly fell from my eyes on my cheeks. He grabbed my hand and led me away from the train station dropping my train ticket in the process. We got into his car and he turned on the radio and the song Mr. Loverman came on. 

“I HAVEN’T HEARD THIS SONG SINCE-”

“Got drunk and like totally ironically made out?” dave says, interrupting me. He laughed and I did too. It wasn’t an awkward one. It was more of a comfortable one as we held hands forgetting the world around us. Suddenly we started to lean in and our lips connected like two puzzle pieces fitting together like they were always meant too. I’ve missed dave ever since I lost him and im never loosing this idiot ever again. We kissed until we saw what we always knew was going to come this day. Today was the day the world ends and we always knew it would. We grabbed each others hands and saw the sky turn bright red and orange as meteorites fell down around us. Feeling only each other as the meteorites suddenly hit our car waiting for one to his us and then there we saw one coming straight for us 

“I LOVE YOU DAVE”

“I love you too karkat ” I said and suddenly everything around us was orange as we locked lips once more.  _ CRASH. _


End file.
